Mad Mind

A lot of people have told me recently that I belong in the TV show Mad Men on AMC, but I hope it's more of an appearance-driven statement than a personality-driven statement. I mean, I take it as a compliment that my attire points towards the show. I would be less-than-flattered if I were compared to the men of the show and their antics.

No, I'm not here to vainly talk about my non-Scott Schulman noticing look, but those words bring me around to the questions, "What am I doing?" Ok, that question is random, true, but it leads to a bigger question. I know I am where I am, working where I am, doing the activities that I'm doing for a reason but where is this yellow bricked road of life leading? It seems like most of my life is filled with self-contained rhetoric, but I don't see that as a bad thing, most of the time.

Auditing? Why would I be in the field in the first place? I recently defined my being an auditor as this: "I used to be the annoying little brother. Now, I'm just the annoying little coworker." Truly that's what auditing is. Whether or not my brothers consider me annoying still - you would have to ask them - I'm not sure. I don't enjoy being annoying. The problem-solving skills I contain do not allow yield great auditing skills necessarily. My "eccentricities," aka 60's glasses, cardigans, and "long" hair are looked down upon by my boss and coworkers, but I'm not going to change myself to conform to the corporation. Is such a rebellious attitude an immature characteristic of myself or should such "eccentricities" be more fitting elsewhere?

Advertising. Although I'm not the most creative or witty guy in the world, I relate to advertising. I take note of the corporation I work for and their advertising. I can relate to catch phrases and buzz words they use. Maybe I do fit in Mad Men. I wonder sometimes if my broad interests and relatively spread-out skills dilute a niche skill I could possess. I sometimes wish I could be in the 100-year past and have a skill that was imposed upon me as to what trade I was going to be involved in. I could build that and I could go from there. No, you will most likely never find me in an Ad Agency or coining the worlds most noticed slogans.

Oh, my musings are amusing and uninteresting I know. As I postulate my uncertainties, I do have direction. It's more humorous and enjoyable to point to a world of mass uncertainty when I only have a microcosm of certainty. I'll just have to keep my thousands of readers posted on my life, after each new yellow brick I cross. Just be glad that I'm not that annoying to you, unless of course you're a family member, coworker, roommate, friend, social-network friend or follower, or...wait, who does that leave left...

And then there were 4

On November 20, 2004, 1 became 2 (well technically 2 became 1, but that wouldn't work as well). On November 25, 2007, 2 became 3. On October 24, 2009 at 4:00pm CST, 3 became 4.

Congratulations to my brother, Peter, and sister-in-law, Ginny, and Niece, Anna, in welcoming Simeon James Janelle into this world. He was 6lbs 11oz and 20.75in long. I can't wait to meet Simeon at Thanksgiving!

Inner-city Sean

Last Spring, upon informing my boss that I was going to go to Africa, he asked an obviously reasonable question, "Why do you need to go all the way across the world to help African kids when there are kids right here in Denver that need help?" His motives aside, whatever they might be, I realized he had a good point. Although I don't plan on stopping going overseas, I knew that he was right that when I was in Denver I should be doing my part to help. Thank you for your criticizing, less than intentionally helpful, and enlightening advice Mr. Beggs.

With inspiration from my brother and belle-soeur (without them knowing how they'd inspired me - they mentor a whole inner-city family teaching them how to cook, attending parent/teacher conferences, communicating with the counselors) I decided that I wanted to look into becoming a mentor in Denver. I had talked to my roommates about this as one of them was interested in mentoring and the other studying to be a counselor, but it wasn't until I talked to another friend that I decided to partner with Colorado Youth at Risk to become a mentor.

Although I am currently in the application process, I don't foresee any roadblocks to this happening. I have completed all training (two nightly sessions and one 8 hour Saturday session). The gist of the program is that CYAR partners with a few high schools in Denver, including Manuel High School which is where my youth will be from and which has a 50% dropout rate and the highest gang activity of any high school in Colorado. There is a "Steps Ahead" program which most mentors are in. The Steps Ahead program is for Freshman only teaching them basic skills. I will be in the Touchstone program (which I'm excited for specifically for too many reasons to name) which is for upper grades. Each year of high school, the youth have different projects to prepare them for the future. It is completely voluntary for the youth and they have to have consent from their parents (one reason I'm excited about Touchstone is that they've already been in the program for a year and want to continue). It will be a one year commitment, and from there, we'll see what's going on.

As with any big thing like this, I know that I won't be able to fully prepare for this and I'm sure I will learn just as much from my youth as he will from me. I am more than eager to meet him and start mentoring and help him plan for his future. I hope it's not too hypocritical that I'm helping him prepare for his future when I have no idea what I'm doing in my future!

my little pumpkin

So there's a girl in my life that I don't see nearly as often as I need to, but she is the cutest girl I know - my niece, Anna. This is Anna, eager for her brother or sister to be born soon, very soon (Ginny's due date is one week from today). This picture is with her in the one button cardigan that my brother Peter knitted for her, with the knitter himself. I would much rather have the self confidence Peter has in his knitting skills (including being known to knit at bars with a glass of whiskey) than be a self-conscious, I'll pretend to be cooler than I am, macho guy.

Love

I have mentioned this many times before, but the most important thing in my life, in the world, in history, as an existence for the future, to those around us, to those we come across, to the few, to the many, to the young, to the old, to the poor, to the rich, to the orient, to the occident is one of the most simple words with the most impactful meanings - love.

Love as words is merely in vain, but love as an expression is dynamic.

I know that love can be defined in as many ways as it can be shown, but that phrase above is one way I thought to describe it in writing to a friend recently. Love is not a new phenomenon in the world, but it is a phenomenon that has redirected history. Without it, people could not coexist. With it, people can change lives. Love is a source of changed lives. The lack of love is a source of destruction. Love comes in many forms, but it is not always confined to spouses or family or best friends. Love in its respective forms is reserved for everyone you come across. Do not let your self-consciousness inhibit your expression of love to whomever may need it. Let your love for others build your confidence in life.

In what way have you shown love today?

The Unlikely Disciple

I just got done reading "The Unlikely Disciple" by Kevin Roose. It was a fascinating true story (which has been featured on programs such as "All Things Considered" from NPR), about the author "studying abroad" for a semester and finding his stereotypes both strengthened and untrue at the same time. Kevin Roose was mostly fair, in my opinion, and was really transparent.

This might not sound that big of a deal or fascinating to anyone, but it hits home for me. To elaborate, Kevin was a student at the left-wing liberal school Brown. He decided to "study abroad" in Lynchburg, Virginia at Liberty University, one of America's largest evangelical schools. Kevin went under cover to Liberty to experience the evangelical schooling with the agenda of writing a book about his experience - The Unlikely Disciple. Other than going to Brown where rules could be compared to Liberty's, with a 180 degree twist on every single one of them, Roose grew up in a liberal Quaker family whose parents worked for Nader in the 70's. More compelling than this under-cover, from liberal to lynchburg, story is the fact that, most of you know, I graduated from Liberty University and the semester I graduated is the semester Kevin was working on his project.

Although I don't recall meeting Kevin personally, I know we ran some of the same circles, and by description (most names changed for privacy sake) I knew several of the people Kevin talked about on a first name basis. At times it was as if he was writing through my eyes as we had similar experiences (not a coincidence as that occurred often in a small school setting). I came from a different upbringing than Kevin, but I can agree on some of his opinions. He was very forthright about his stereotypes, and he was just as explicit when he admitted his stereotypes were false. Although he did a great job of admitting when he was wrong, I felt he still held all Liberty students under a ceiling. It was either Liberty students were sheltered, close minded, and necessarily evangelicals (with making references to being surprised there were Democrats or unsaved people at Liberty) or they were rebellious in sort of a cute way with the core ideologies of Jerry Falwell instilled in their minds with just a little rough edges. He talked about the gay students at Liberty, but talked about them in a way as if they weren't like his gay friends at Brown, because they were gay and going to Liberty.

I agree with his reference to having seen a different Jerry Falwell than most of America. I was fortunate to be able to see that myself. Although I didn't agree with many things with Falwell, I respected him, and Kevin and I would both agree that Falwell is consistent. It seemed as if Roose wanted to speak highly of Falwell, but he couldn't with innate fear that his liberal family, especially his gay aunt and her partner, would feel betrayed and it would be a dishonor. Roose maintained throughout the book that Christians are distinguished from non-Christians because they don't swear, drink, smoke, etc. I would also largely disagree with those statements; however, that may be the evangelical fundamentalist imposition as well, so I cannot say his statements are not self-imposed by Christians.

The loose trigger of the words such as "gay," "faggot," "queer," etc was in fact true, and that is something that I very much hated at Liberty. When a fellow Christian said such things, I would try to explain that we Christians are to love our neighbors and maliciously throwing out names is no way to be loving. I am very adamant about this as my best friend who also happens to be my brother is gay. Yes this obviously throws in kinks to Roose's belief that Liberty students are close minded and don't understand the world out there. At times I felt as if Roose was the close minded person in the story, not the Liberty students. It took me off guard, to be honest, as I stereotyped Brown journalists as necessarily being open and tolerant since that is a big problem secularists have with evangelicals. I would be the first to tell my evangelical brothers and sisters that they should be open minded and tolerable as well. My one question is what is the fear of openmindedness for Christians? Many would say that evil views could get in or Satan could use that as a tool. That sounds like they don't have that deep of faith to me! I say bring on all views and philosophies and theories and pray for discernment. If the God I believe in exists, he will give me discernment and strengthen my belief. It has happened in the past, and I have said before (even on this blog) that I am more open minded than ever and my faith is deeper than ever.

I would love to sit down with Kevin and have dialogue with him about our experiences at Liberty, discuss issues that I think he may have missed or looked past, and open up for questions from both sides. Everyone should read this book in my opinion. I really appreciate Kevin writing this book, and it gives everyone - no matter what you believe in or stand for - a good reason to always be genuine and open and loving. You never know who's listening.

This I Used to Believe

I got the idea to do a "This I Used to Believe" essay from listening to a "This American Life" podcast. So my "This I Used to Believe" essay is a knockoff of that "This I Used to Believe" essay, which is a knockoff of an NPR program,  "This I Believe," which is a knockoff of a 50's program, "This I Believe." *For the record, I think "This American Life" is one of the most fascinating programs on the radio today, and I would encourage everyone to listen to one or two episodes to form your own opinion. Now, for a few beliefs I used to have, essay on "This I Used to Believe."

I used to believe money and fame and power were more important than relationships.

I used to believe nothing bad would happen in my life, because I called myself a Christian. 

I used to believe if anything bad did happen to us, it was necessarily a resistance for growth.

I used to believe having an open mind and deep faith were mutually exclusive. 

I used to believe there are rules and regulations in our life because our parents, teachers, and God didn't want us to have fun, not because they were put in place out of love. 

I used to believe I had to believe what my parents believed or I wasn't a good son (not because they taught me to believe that). 

I used to believe my parents and other close family members were perfect and I had to strive to be like that. 

I used to believe it is better to worry about what people think of you than helping others, even if it isn't what everyone else would do.

I used to believe any remote question about God and Christianity made me a bad Christian.

I used to believe questioning everything about God made me an atheist, not a human.

I used to believe conformity is better than individualism.

I used to believe selfless work was good but not for me.

I used to believe you can be friends with people with the stipulation they believe what you believe.

I used to believe I could pray for answers. 

I used to believe I will never encounter violence in my life.

I used to believe I would someday be a professional soccer player. 

I used to believe family car rides into the mountains were laborious and painful.

I used to believe if I didn't have a girlfriend by the time I was 18, I would be single forever. 

I used to believe being short was a bad thing.

I used to believe I had to judge because people judged me.

I used to believe differences between my brothers and I meant we couldn't be close.

I used to believe my parents choices in raising us were normal, not to be highly admired. 

I used to believe I would someday climb the corporate ladder and one day become a corporate CEO. 

I used to believe war and pain in the world were sad, but I could do nothing about it.

I used to believe Africa was a distant land that I would never reach.

I used to believe the only reality is to live until I'm 100, then die. 

I used to believe that love is not the most important attribute in the world.

What did you used to believe?